Mother's Day and Back to Work, Back to Reality

I had lots of emotions going through me on Mother's Day as it was my very first and it was also the last day of my maternity leave.  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel on Monday, I wasn't sure how Zeke was going to do without me all day and I wasn't sure how "taking care of mom business at work" would be (aka: pumping). There was so much uncertainty, but I decided to not worry about anything and just enjoy the day with my amazing husband and loving son! I realized in that day how blessed I truly am. I always say we are blessed, but do I ever truly understand the blessings? I think not; however, I took the day to look at all I had. All the blessings the Lord had given me. An amazing husband, that I thought I'd never have, (not that I thought I'd never get married, I just didn't think I'd ever get to marry the man of my dreams, who I knew was Kyle for 8 years), and a beautiful and perfect son! Words can not explain the amount of love I have for such a little person! I have the same amount of love for my husband, but the love for Zeke is just different. It's indescribable! When he smiles it melts my heart, but when I watch Zeke and Kyle together it truly takes my breath away. To know that Zeke will grow up looking to his dad and want to be just like him brings such joy! We are so spoiled with such a sweet, loving and good baby that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to leave him Monday morning. We had so much fun spending all day everyday together, just playing and laughing. Zeke hardly cries or fusses and when he does it makes it easy to figure out what's wrong. so spending every moment with him was amazing! I know I'm a little biased, but he truly is such a good baby, I have people tell me all the time that babies aren't suppose to be that good, well he is!!

So Mother's Day came and went and my maternity leave was over. Sunday night I sat out Zeke's clothes, prepared my lunch, my workout bag and tried to do everything I could to have a smooth first morning back, but what I couldn't prepare for were all the emotions that were going to run through me! I cried and I laughed and I worried and I thought of all the things that could happen, but then I finally gave in and went to bed. Zeke can't actually start daycare till June 3 so for 3 weeks our Aunt Waynette is keeping him on Mondays and Fridays, her sister Reta kept him Tues and Thursday and my adopt-a-Raider mom from church is keeping him on Wednesdays. So it's a bit of a whirlwind, but we are very thankful to these amazing ladies that can help us out until he can start daycare. So Waynette showed up to our house and of course Zeke was so excited to see her, he loves her just as much as he loves us! I was doing great, left on time and as I was coming to work the tears just started, but I pulled myself together before I got to work. I have such an amazing job and work in such a wonderful place that everyone helped me ease back in with no problems! I really work with an amazing family that it makes it a tad easier to be at work. I'm so thankful that I LOVE my job and everyone I work with, I'm not sure what I'd do if it were any other way! I think I've done good, so far I have only cried in the car for a few moments every day, until today. For some reason I feel like I'm having separation anxiety and I can't wait to be home. Just thinking about his smile makes me tear up, but today is Friday and I survived my first week. Pumping isn't as bad as I thought, it's just a bit awkward. I feel really bad for Matt who's office is next door :-/ I feel like conquering the first week back was a big step and I realize that some days will be no big deal and other days I won't want to leave him, but again I'm thankful for the blessing of my amazing job. I'm not sure how daycare will go as I'm a bit stressed about that, but I will cross that bridge when it gets here in 2 more weeks!

One of the girls I work with sent me this today and it's the truth I'm probably the hardest on myself. If Zeke is crying or something is wrong I feel like it's my fault, if he has gas it's my fault, I mean hey I am making the food he eats, if something just happens that's not suppose to happen it's my fault. It's just how I take it, I also say that I probably won't ever be mom of the year, but this is a good reminder that we are all good moms and not everything is always our fault!

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

To all moms: YOU ARE AMAZING!
Kyle + Mary + Zeke + Kato & Bear-Bear