I never really make new years resolutions, but this year we were driving home from Ruidoso and as I was typing on my phone Kyle asked what I was doing. I told him I was making goals for the new year. I was so frustrated and disgusted at myself that I needed a change. For several months I was so focused on trying to get pregnant that I kept making crazy excuses like working out too hard was affecting our chances etc etc etc. I had kind of given up on everything that made me feel good as a person. I was so frustrated that we couldn't get pregnant that I seriously felt broken. I ate what I wanted and didn't care, I'm pretty sure I ate an entire loaf of pumpkin bread, maybe 2, when we were at my parents house (thanks mom) and because of the way I was letting myself eat and half ass workout I literally felt like crap. So I decided enough was enough and I was done trying to be in control. So I made my goals and I'll even share them with you (this is straight from my phone):
Grab your life and live in it don't default into it!
2015 New Years Goals
1. To focus on Gods plan for my life instead of my own. To be a stronger woman of God, to trust like Mary and to be a wife and mother like Mary. (Find a daily devotional to do every night before bed)
2. To live the healthiest life I can live, to be the strongest and fittest I've ever been. To stay accountable I plan to weigh, take measurements and pictures the first day of each month for the next 12 months. I will not live by the number on the scale, but by the measurements and how my clothes fit. I will take it day by day and strive to do the best I can do, but with the understanding there will be hiccups and frustrations along the way. I will re gain control of my life. (Journal my food, journal my journey and frustrations and accomplishments)
I have been doing the "Jesus Calling" devotional by Sarah Young every night and have fallen in love with it. I'm pretty sure it's meant to be done in the mornings; however, I started doing it every night. I guess you could say as of Jan. 1 I just let go of the reigns and gave it to God. Before we found out I was pregnant I was hitting the gym extremely hard, waking up at 4:30 M/W/F and I'd do a 60-90 min workout with a combination of weights and running, along with teaching spin on M/Tues/Sundays. Some days I would even workout twice. I journaled everything that went into my mouth, weighing my food etc. I began to feel like me again and it was awesome. Then one night Kyle looked at me and said "you sure are moody today, is it that time alread?" Loving right?! lol I looked at him and said actually I don't know. I seriously had quit charting, taking my temperature, checking the calendar etc. That's when I figured out I was 5 days late, but I just told Kyle any day now lucky you. :) Then I began texting a very good friend of mine, who had known about everything going on and she told me I should take a test. I really didn't want to, I was more nervous taking a test this time then when I did with Zeke, but I gave in on Jan 23 and it immediately showed positive. I was so excited I was seriously shaking. I still couldn't 100% believe it and I had a second test so I decided I'd take it the next day and it too was positive. So we were in fact pregnant. All I can say is God is good.
So that's the story and we feel truly blessed and are so excited for September! As far as my goals go I'm still doing my daily devotional and plan to do it the entire year. As far as healthiest, strongest, fittest etc. I'm still working out, but not as hard. I'm still at the gym/teaching spin 4-5 days a week, but I no longer double up.
As far as pregnancy goes, it has not been easy. Everyone says each pregnancy is different and I completely agree. With Zeke I could eat/snack on ginger snap cookies or workout and feel better, this time I was struggling to survive. The only thing I found to help was saltines and ginger ale. I was to the point I could barely function, my boss walked by my office and I was slumped over in my chair, he asked if I was ok and I just nodded no. lol That day I called the doctor and she gave me two prescriptions. Zofran and a brand new drug called diclegis. I was to take two diclegis every night when I went to bed and then 1 in the morning and 1 in afternoon, if needed. I began taking it that night and since then I have been a new person. It is seriously a miracle drug. I haven't even needed it morning/afternoon. I've been on it for a week and it has saved my life. I thank the drug company/scientist that came up with it! I'm extremely exhausted, but with Zeke I could get home from work and nap for a couple hours; however, with our sweet/wild Zeke there is no naps, much less sitting down. So I'm just pushing through the tiredness as I know my energy will hopefully one day return.
I plan to do the every 4 week pictures and notes with what we are calling our Sweet P, like I did with Zeke so here is the notes part and here is an unofficial picture. I still can't believe I'm showing as much as I am with only being a little under 9 weeks, but maybe it's b/c it is my second and my body is like cool I know what I'm doing, or maybe it's b/c I was smaller weight wise when we got pregnant this time. I really don't know?!?
And here is the announcement we mailed out to family and friends before we shared with the world, aka Facebook.
Again, we are so excited for Zeke to be a big brother, but this time it's different. I know there are women out there who are struggling with trying to get pregnant, some of which are my closest friends and I get it. I understand the pain, the frustrations, the anger, the feelings that come along with the struggle. It's hard, it's extremely hard to not feel broken and unless you've gone through it you don't understand that feeling. I want you to know I'm praying for you. Each and every one of you. God has a plan and I trust in that. So as much as I want to shout from the rooftops I'm just humbled and am going to enjoy every journey with this pregnancy, sickness and all.
Truly excited for our Sweet P!
Kyle + Mary + Zeke + Sweet P + Kato & Bear-Bear
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