To Quit or Not to Quit, that is the Question?!?

It's been almost 5 months (11 days short) and I'm going back and forth on wanting to stop breast feeding. Most all day, every day I'm like I'm done I'm just done. I'm tired, no I'm exhausted with this second full time job and I'm ready to be done, but then I think about Zeke and feel guilty. I mean I can and have no issues making it, but I'm like it's so overrated now! I'm ready to leave my house with no little black bag attached to my hip, ready to not have to worry about every 3 hours where I'm going to be or if I'm going to have to pump in my car or while driving down the road (well Kyle drives I pump) or worrying about my boss knocking on my door while I'm indisposed. I want to go on vacation in two weeks with my husband and son and no black bag, no worries of pumping every 3 hours, no worries of finding a fridge or ice to keep everything cold. I decide I'm ready to quit and work on slowing down and then I talk about it and I feel all guilty, like I'm depriving Zeke of his liquid gold. 

As much as I'm ready to be done, I'm not ready for all the things that come with it. *if you don't like straight forward and need things sugar coated you should probably skip this part* I'm not ready for rock hard porn star boobs for several days, I'm not ready for the pain that comes along with trying to "dry" up, and I'm not ready for my hormones to go all wacko again (I'm sure Kyle's not ready for this either). Not only did the nurse tell me my hormones would go all crazy, but she told me to use all things cold and nothing hot. So you're telling me you want me to take a shower and not get my ladies wet?!? Seriously, how is this possible? I DO NOT take cold showers! Oh and I'm suppose to freeze cabbage leaves and then stick them in my bra, guess if I get hungry I'll always have a snack on hand.... Oh and I can't forget the sudafed I'm suppose to take once a day, am I really ready to stop?!?

I go back and forth and have gone back and forth for the past few weeks. I told myself I would go to 6 months and then stop, but every day, every time I pump I just moan and complain. Things hurt and are tired of being suctioned for 15-30 mins every 3 hours! So I think I've decided I'm just going to be selfish and I'm going to work on slowing things down and I'm going to try and be "dried" up by the time we leave for vacation, that gives me almost 2 weeks. Zeke will be 5 months and we will have some in storage, so I guess that's what he gets and then it's full formula from here on out. I'm not quite sure how I won't feel guilty, but I know this is the best decision for all three of us!

Here's to two more weeks....
Mary

And because I can't resist sharing this sweet face! Most have seen these on Facebook, but for those who do not have FB here are our 4th of July pics!